Sydney Brokaw: Eating disorders do not discriminate
Trigger warning: eating disorders
I started running at the age of 14 and shortly after started associating food with exercise - feeling as if I needed to earn my food. I would only allow myself to eat a certain quantity of food at a certain time of day. One year ago, in the summer of 2021, I started to engage in many eating disorder behaviors. I would coordinate my entire day around exercise & calories. Eventually I started to completely isolate myself & cancel all plans because I would not be in control. The only things that would go through my mind was exercise, calories, & food. It consumed my every thought of every day. I had eventually starved myself and my brain was only functioning at a small percentage of what it was a year prior.
I had fallen completely down the hill & had no idea how I would be able to even begin the climb back to life. My eating disorder now impacted all my relationships. The secret I tried so desperately to hide was no longer a secret. All my family & friends were worried about me and wanted to help. How could someone like me with a professional career and supportive family be suffering from this? I felt that if I asked for help people would start to think of me less.
Fast forward to February 2022, I became so weak that I could barely make it from one destination to the other due to my poor physical & mental health. Within days my family drove me straight to the ER despite my denial. I was diagnosed with anorexia & unable to return home due to the poor physical health I was in. I could say this was the worst day of my life, but in the same breath this is the best thing that happened to me at that time. I would not be able to leave the hospital for the next two months and was admitted to the eating disorder unit. After my hospitalization, I was transitioned to a partial hospitalization program for an additional 6 weeks.
Today, I am choosing life thanks to my family & the amazing professionals that exist. I want to spread awareness that eating disorders can affect all people. They do not discriminate. Eating disorders don’t “look” a certain way. Eating disorders are a mental illness and it is not as easy as just eating. I want to let all know that receiving help does not make you any less of a person, and you’re not alone. There are so many people out there that want to help and get you back to the life you deserve to live. Without the help of my amazing family, doctors, therapists, and professionals I may not have life today. Help is available and life truly is worth living.
Sydney Brokaw
